Tuesday, November 28, 2017

The Cost In Not Believing In My Abilities Because of my Disabilities


This is what brain damage sounds like, motherfucker!

It took a lot of physical therapy for me to get to the point at which I could play heavy metal guitar.

The cost of lacking self-confidence might have cost me a career in the business, but who's to say what could have happened had I even made the attempt to be a lead guitar player at fifteen-years-old.  I knew that my best friend, who was the lead guitarist wanted me to learn, probably so that we could do harmonies...... but I lacked the self-confidence to do it.

The main problem was that I struggled with my fingering in 1985 and 1986.  I didn't think that I could spread my fingers so wide across the fretboard.  However, you can clearly see in this video that I am able to, and for that, I apologize to my friend, as he had more confidence in my ability to do this than I did.

My best friend worked with me on my fingering, but I just experienced so much difficulty with it that I stuck with barre chords.

Who knows?  We could have opened for Kiss like we had hoped.  We might have toured with Ronnie James Dio or Iron Maiden.

We could have played at one of the Monsters of Rock festivals at Donington, England
We could have done a lot of if we even landed a record deal in the first place, in which we were in competition with hundreds, maybe even thousands of bands for that.

Do I blame myself?  Partially, but not as much as I once did.  I was not on Paxil at the time, so the social anxiety was a bit more than I could handle.  All I remember is that I was a crazy motherfucker the few times we did hit the stage together.  I just let myself go.

Don’t ever give up if you suffer from brain damage.  You could do things that you and your doctors never thought possible-my doctors didn't even expect me to live, much less play heavy metal guitar.

You're better than you think you are, so go out and prove that to everyone else-then tell them to go fuck themselves.

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