Saturday, May 5, 2018

My Answer With Regard to the Issue of Starting Over After 50

It's been suggested that you not start over immediately after a break up, but here is why I might have to if I can't reunite, and I explained this on the blog, Starting Over After 50. 
"I wasn't able to marry until I was nearly forty, and my ex-wife cheated. I wasn't even married for five years, and we rarely made love.

"We knew each other as far back as junior high school and we went to the prom together. We caught up with each other in 2009 and married in 2010-but it was not a good marriage.

"She and I lived with her "best friend" and we never had a place of our own. We couldn't afford California (especially since she didn't work at the time), so I decided that we should live in Colorado-where I had originally moved after the big economic crash.

"Our divorce finalized in 2015, but I embarked on self-destruction. This is because that is the result when I am out of a relationship for any length of time. I was not able to date in my thirties because I worked up to fifteen hours a day with someone who has autism. The father never wanted to come home on time; insisting that he worked late at the office-like 10:45 p.m. late. I was expected to show up around 7:15 a.m. or 7:30 a.m.

"I had become the parent.

"You understand my hunger for marriage if you are familiar with Erik Erikson's Eight Stages. I am still in the early stage of 18-40-despite the fact that I will be 48 in June.

"I have just acquired my degree in psychology and I want to marry immediately. In fact, I knew how much trouble I would wind up in if I DIDN'T marry young. Everything happened, and it was like the steering wheel broke in my hands and I was just along for the ride in the Porsche.

"I have come off of a break up that neither one of us wanted, but her mother caused. She is heartbroken and I am spinning out of control again. It's a very complicated situation, which is why I'm not mentioning much. I don't want to move on, but it looks like I may have to-even though we have both cried over this.

"She's 41, okay? Yeah, it's that stupid.

"IF this is indeed over, I HAVE TO try again IMMEDIATELY, because my time is running out. It's not that I ever wanted to play the field. I have wanted to be a husband and father from the very beginning. Furthermore, I am possess the personality type which gets into trouble if I don't find someone quickly.

"I'm either in a long-term relationship or a long dry spell. As a graduate of psychology I know that this is extremely unhealthy. However, I can assure anyone that I would not exhibit this behavior if I had been able to marry at 20.

"I am a pendulum. Hence, I would rather opt for one extreme over the other. I probably do have codependent tendencies. While I can live by myself, I can't live ALONE, as I still get into too much trouble. This is why I have to get up, dust off the dirt, and try again IMMEDIATELY, as I only lived with my "wife" for three of the five years we were married. I worked nights and she slept through half of the day.

"It makes more sense now, doesn't it?

"By the way, you can't say that I married her for her beauty. 375-as in pounds, and I don't mean British currency.

"Some of my girlfriends have been bigger and some have been very thin. I don't care. I always hope that each one is the last, but I run into the problem of the spirit knowing better, while the flesh succumbs.

I really hope that the woman with whom I was formerly engaged to finds all the happiness in the world-even if it's not with me. She deserves happiness."

Parents Have No Business Interfering With Their Adult Children's Romanances

If you were to tell me that I wasn't going to make it to "happily ever after" with this woman with whom I have seen for sixteen weeks, I would have called the Betty Ford Clinic on you.  However, that's exactly what's happened.

This is a very sad departure for both of us, as there are still feelings on both sides-and we both fought tears.

It seems that her mother didn't like what she read from me.  Excuse me, but her daughter is 41-years-old here, okay?  There is no reason to force a break up.  However, if she wants to face her God knowing that she did what she did, then that is between her and God.

I admit I don't have the greatest relationship with God in the world.  However, didn't Jesus say that He came to heal the sick?  If I am sick in the soul, then I should be healed, not cast out.  However, that is between her and God.

Parents don't realize the psychological harm they inflict upon their adult children-let alone small children.  This is why those like me become very hostile toward conservative busybodies.

Feel for this woman, who is probably still fighting tears.  Her little girl hugged me-'nuff said.