Your relationship ends at the worst possible time, your academic career is still in someone else's hands (even after you have followed instructions), and you are in physical pain. This pain is not as a result of normal aging, but from hard labor.
You want a wife and you want to start a family-but the problem is that you inch toward fifty-and you were never into "playing" the field, although most women your age who are in the dating pool will assume that to be the case.
Here is how life is supposed to work, according to Erik Erikson.
|Stage||Psychosocial Crisis||Basic Virtue||Age|
|1.||Trust vs. Mistrust||Hope||0 - 1½|
|2.||Autonomy vs. Shame||Will||1½ - 3|
|3.||Initiative vs. Guilt||Purpose||3 - 5|
|4.||Industry vs. Inferiority||Competency||5 - 12|
|5.||Identity vs. Role Confusion||12 - 18|
|6.||Intimacy vs. Isolation||Love||18 - 40|
|7.||Generativity vs. Stagnation||40 - 65|
|8.||Ego Integrity vs. Despair||Wisdom||65+|
Because I missed out on my youth, I am at the earlier stages of the 6th stage in this theory. I'm physically 47, but I am mentally 25. This is because I want to experience youth and was not afforded the opportunity when I worked with an autistic man named Tommy for nearly ten years, from early in the morning until late into the night. This is because his father remained out of the house for as long as possible.
My first marriage was a joke, because the woman I was married to was more inclined to enjoy life with her female roommate than with her own husband, and our sexlife was...well, what sexlife?
I met my ex-girlfriend through chance, but I was never liked by her mother. It is ironic that despite the fact that I was never unfaithful to her daughter, somehow, that guy who cheated on her granddaughter was a better catch than yours truly. I'm not angry at my ex-girlfriend at all, but I will admit that there were misunderstandings-not by her and myself, but I can tell you that her mother never liked me-no matter how well I treated her grandchildren.
It seems that treating a woman well and scoring a degree aren't high enough on the Christian requirement list. It seems you have to make a lot of money, as well. Funny, but the Scriptures never mentioned that. The Scriptures state that you don't get rich first and then get married.
Need a drink? So do I after absorbing that thought.
You know, it's hard to trust a God Who knows that you have wanted to be married since you were eighteen, but gives you a sham marriage for all of your hope-one which only lasts less than five years and saw less sex than a two-hour porno produced by San Fernando Valley's Vivid Studios.
God allegedly states in Genesis that it's not good for the man to be alone and Paul allegedly wrote in 1 Corinthians, Chapter 7 that those who cannot control their bodies morally should be allowed to marry.
Now you see why Christianity is on the decline-it lacks credibility.
It's hard to believe an outdated religion which gives you no hope after your youth has been stolen from you. Those of you who have lived through experiences similar to mine know what I mean.
I'm fighting depression at the time of this writing. I am also fighting the urge to do some very stupid things, which I know will destroy me.
It's times like this I tend to drive too fast-and without headlights. However, I cannot afford the speeding ticket, and I would really rather avoid having the police impound my beloved Dodge Dart-which Chrysler Corporation doesn't make anymore. Besides, there are too many people on the road, and I really don't care to be arrested for vehicular manslaughter, as that would only make my situation much worse.
Again, I know that my situation is far from unique. This is why we have the 11 o'clock news; to see what other people near your corner did, but were unable to withstand the temptation of doing during the night. It is only because of my background in psychology that I am able to think twice about doing anything which I would regret for the rest of my life-well, that, and the Depakote also probably plays a role. I have to be honest about that one.
Although I will always care, I will never be angry at her. I especially feel for her youngest children, because they have disabilities. I would have fought for them, as the Pueblo School District still discriminates against students who have disabilities.
Those kids need a fighter by their side, and my ex-girlfriend found her champion. Don't be angry at her, because I am not angry at her. This was out of her hands. Trust me, you would agree if you knew the rest of the situation. So, I would appreciate if you not judge her, because she cried over this last night-and I heard every tear. Let's just say parents have no right to tell their adult children what to do.